Tuesday, 12 April 2011

A Change in direction and Letting Go

I had a plan, that when I got past the 2 O'clock feeds stage with Charlotte that I would get back into my little studio and start creating, get my little business up and running, design new collections of jewellery and sell them in my Etsy and Folksy shops. The 2 O'clock feeds took a lot longer to drop than I anticipated, in fact she never slept through the night until she was into her second year. Many months of sleep deprivation is something that took me a long time to accept and deal with. I was lucky with my first 3 children all were sleeping through the night by 14 weeks even the 3rd who was breast fed, I now realise that I was a very lucky mummy back then.
I don't know whether it has anything to do with the age difference in me,  I totally love her, but at times it has been such hard work. My energy levels and my expectations of myself in being a good mum don't always match up. I try to be the best I can be and expect more of myself than is physically possible some days.
I know there are lots of Mums out there who do it, stay at home and be with their children, try to build a business up slowly as they go along, blog about it, sell online, sell at fairs and through shops etc and it works well for them and I totally admire them, but after months of trying, making, hoping, listing, waiting and talking things over with Kevin, I've finally admitted to myself that this isn't for me. It's not working, I'm not getting anything out of it.
So I'm letting go..... It seems that if you are not willing to give 90% of your day over to constant self-promotion online through facebook, twitter etc then your work is just not going to get noticed and I'm not willing to use my precious time in this way.
In my heart I'm an artist and that is what I'm going to concentrate on. I need to spend the time that I do have for me exploring, drawing, painting, experimenting with stitch, fabrics and thread. When you start making things specifically to sell something gets lost, forgotten, unused and I miss that ..... I want it back!

My first journal page, I can now understand how therapeutic creating a journal page can be!
So I'm going to do just that, ....get it back!...... forget about making to sell, spend more time exploring, being creative and enjoying the time that I get to spend in my little studio.

It's a new beginning in a way and I'm excited about it! It would be nice if you, my little list of 41 followers will stay with me for the creative journey.


Rhiannon said...

i think you are very talented and will do well in whatever you do! i am stumped as to how so many people seem to be able to do it all. for me just doing a bit of crafting and remembering to blog about it is my limit! i look forward to seeing your work :)

Wendie-kins said...

I can relate to this post SOoo much!!! I've been where you are and made a similar decision myself. I put so much pressure on myself to succeed that I sorta lost myself along the way. Its a wonderful feeling when some-one wants to give you their hard earned cash for something you have lovingly created but its hard maintaining that passion when it no longer feels 'right'. It's even harder work doing it whilst being a mum, let alone trying to be supermum! & you ARE an artist Yvonne, & have immense talent, true art's not all about the money, so enjoy your time off once again, I shall continue to look forward to seeing what comes out of your studio ♥

Su said...

Sounds like a good plan. I look forward to seeing what emerges from your studio.

Anonymous said...

I keep thinking about opening a Folksy or Etsy shop, but I'm not sure I want the commitment. I think perhaps that like you, it would take the pleasure out of making things when I want to, not because I have to. Don't worry, I'll still pop in to see how your new direction develops!

Joy said...

I will still be following! Always inspiring to see what you have created! You are a busy mother, and that comes first--sounds like you've got things figured out and now, the creativity will soar!! Yippie!! Oh, and I am so with you on the Twitter and Facebook thing---how and why do people constantly tweet about nonsense all day long? Boring! And who wants to know what you had for breakfast or that you just threw in a load of laundry? Pooh!


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